Talk about the proverbial elephant in the room...Try sleeping with an empty crib in your bedroom for six months with no possible way to fill it yourself. The Noah's Arch Mobil has taunted me and in my dreams played eerily over an empty crib.
Now that we are licensed I am surprised to find that my prayers have changed. No longer are my pleas to God about me, but rather they now contain the exact names of children.
And I am begging God not to break their little hearts as their worlds are destroyed by circumstances out of their control. (Imagine being torn away from absolutely everything and everyone you have ever known and being plopped down into a strangers home, told you'll be safer there and you left your favorite stuff at home. Like your family, your clothes, your toys and your friends. I can not imagine and most of you can't either unless you've been there. Like being in a fire only worse because you are just a little kid.)
So now I am just praying to God to not to rip them to shreds and if they MUST be removed from their homes, I am begging God to let Charley and I be the right kind of love for them. To help us protect them and to guide us in repairing their little lives.
How ironic is that? I get what I want and pray against it.
I don't think it's at all ironic, actually. You know how fragile these children could be...why do you think your prayer to the Lord to be certified was answered? Because you and charley are the right people to love these children:).
ReplyDeleteCharley's words are true. You and your Charley are the right ones to help repair their little hearts. Trust in the lord he will show you the way.
ReplyDeleteSmiles
It just shows that you get it, Christina. That should be a great help to you and your foster children. :-]
ReplyDeleteLoving hearts can heal broken ones. And you positively oooooze love, my dear.
ReplyDeleteI have experienced this phenomena so many times. I concentrate so hard on something I want, and then when it's within my grasp, my focus shifts. It's a paradox, really, but such is life. With every great thing comes its opposite. I am anxious for you to fill that crib. Someday, I'd like to know more about your surgery and how it affected you. Have you ever written about it?
ReplyDeleteand this is why I love you....
ReplyDeleteBless your heart, dear. You have moved from thinking first of your deep desire to parent to thinking first and foremost of these precious little ones' needs. That shift will deeply bless you, your dear husband and every child who comes through your door --- along with all of your loving friends. The Lord is preparing your heart for immeasurably unselfish mothering.
ReplyDeleteloving you
karyl
It's not ironic but what it is that you are an incredible person. You really are. There are so many broken hearts out there, i know i was once one, and all it takes is someone just one to believe in you and encourage you and love you. The heart opens to such dimensions then and the world is yours...Thank you to you both as there will be someone someday who thinks of you as their heros.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, CONGRATULATIONS to both of you!
ReplyDeleteI smiled reading this entry. To want to be the "right kind of love" is the essence of parenting.
Caregivingly Yours, Patrick
http://journals.aol.com/daddyleer/CaregivinglyYours/
Without pain, there can be no relief. Without need, there can be no fulfillment. To be a savior, there must be those in need of saving. Perhaps, it is someone else's praryers that are being answered and you are merely a tool of God's will.
ReplyDeleteI do not believe in coincidence. I think everything happens for a reason, even if we do not understand. I believe we just have to have faith that it is in God's hands. I know you will be blessed to know how to help these children. I can already tell just by how you care so much for them and they are not even with you yet. I have a feeling the minute they arrive in your home you will instinctively know how to care for them. God will guide you. It may not be easy, but what is that saying... nothing worth having in life is comes easy. Something like that. Anyway, I hope you are well. I am so excited to have you living in the same town. What a small world. We will have to get together really soon! Take care. Jaime
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with CHarley etal...I dont think it is ironic, yet realistic.
ReplyDeleteThe whole reality of it and making those attempts NOW to prepare as much as one can for what may or may not occur.
I find comfort in that Christina.
With your heart and your head going in as you are, these children will know through time, just how much you touched their lives. For the good.
What a wonderful moment...
I have worked with Children in these situations. And they look for a heart and a shoulder to guide them.
It is where I learned that we can not change what has happened, yet we can move forward together to make changes.
No the child will not be able to change the circumstances, yet as a nuturer, we can assist them in becoming...
You know?
I am sooooo thrilled for you!
You are not different with those thoughts... in the fact that everyday I think.... Did I make the right choice in bringing in these beautiful creatures into this world just to mess up???? I love them so much but they challange me every second.
ReplyDeleteThough the biggest difference will be that you have to tend to the children that parents did not think before making the biggest decision of their lives or got messed up after the though. You will have a difficult time... no lie... but the rewards are plentiful. You will make a great Mom and I'm sure Charley (your life partner) will make a difference in these little souls.
I pray everyday that my own kids will turn out right in the end for there are many paths to take....
Keep the faith and go with what your heart says. You have great role models and use your best judgement.... Then PRAY...
Love, Lori
you are an amazing woman.
ReplyDeleteYour heart is definitely in the right place. You will be a marvelous foster parent.
ReplyDeleteAnd so will your husband, Charley!!
ReplyDeleteI can`t wait for the time when you get to share all of your wonderfullness with kids.
ReplyDeleteHugs and courage.
V
That's why you were chosen, to mend hearts! God has a plan for you.
ReplyDeleteBless you both!