moving targets

I haven't blogged in a long time, for many reasons and because I have waited to see if maybe the blog was safe.  I am not completely versed in this format.

Life has been very strange since I have been gone, stressful and unreal.  Each day a balancing act of holding some of our kids from falling into the abyss of genetic traits.  Healing old scars can be done only if all parties are willing to heal.  Wounded kids.  Tired, tired mom.

What would I say to The People who hurt these children, how would I explain that their romantic vision of Their Children do not and can not match the reality of these little humans I live with.  How can I explain that when you crumple and dirty a clean white paper, the paper remembers the damage.  Saying sorry can not clean and unwrinkle the paper.  It is not possible to love a child enough to make up for the neglect and down right abuse from their birth parents.

Charley is my rock, God blessed me.  He wants to move to a bigger city where our kids can get the help they need and deserve, the actual thought of packing them up and moving is terrifying to me.  Any change in their routines is horrid...so purposely dragging them to another state sounds like suicide.  But a necessary death.

They are getting bigger every moment.  Please Lord touch them.

birthdays

Both my husband and my oldest son have back to back birthdays....

That means my weekend was one big party.....


Zachary had his first sleepover party that he had planned for weeks and it was a huge success! Most of his friends came and his only disappointment was that his brothers did not make it. What a pleasure it was to allow him something ordinary like a slumber party.

Then Sunday night we had homemade chili and cornbread for Charley's big 35! bash, he feels like an old man. I told him I was glad I bought a puppy. LOL!

Last night was Zachary's family dinner, which he had requested lasagna, salad and homemade carrot cake. His bio dad, bio grandparents, new grandparents on Charley's side, Aunt Lolo and Uncle Harv, Cousin Jordan and the eight of us were here. (Are you keeping track of the size of my immediate family?) His brothers didn't make it again and he was pretty sad about that, hard to explain stuff like that to little people, who have lost so much already.

The next birthday is a ways off and may come AFTER another BIG PARTY I can not talk about yet. Don't fret, I will share the news when I can. I promise I will.

God bless.

xxoo