moving targets

I haven't blogged in a long time, for many reasons and because I have waited to see if maybe the blog was safe.  I am not completely versed in this format.

Life has been very strange since I have been gone, stressful and unreal.  Each day a balancing act of holding some of our kids from falling into the abyss of genetic traits.  Healing old scars can be done only if all parties are willing to heal.  Wounded kids.  Tired, tired mom.

What would I say to The People who hurt these children, how would I explain that their romantic vision of Their Children do not and can not match the reality of these little humans I live with.  How can I explain that when you crumple and dirty a clean white paper, the paper remembers the damage.  Saying sorry can not clean and unwrinkle the paper.  It is not possible to love a child enough to make up for the neglect and down right abuse from their birth parents.

Charley is my rock, God blessed me.  He wants to move to a bigger city where our kids can get the help they need and deserve, the actual thought of packing them up and moving is terrifying to me.  Any change in their routines is horrid...so purposely dragging them to another state sounds like suicide.  But a necessary death.

They are getting bigger every moment.  Please Lord touch them.

Vacation

My husband and I have taken six of our seven children on vacation, in a car, 1350 (give or take) miles.  We have spent the last few days with family and friends and then we are off to California where we have planned the best surprise ever.

They know we are going to Sea World, they don't know we have City Passes to use up.

Most of our children have never even been on vacation, forget doing the rest of the stuff.

I Can Not Wait!

Peace

Main Entry:

¹peace

Pronunciation:

\ˈpēs\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

Middle English pees, from Anglo-French pes, pees, from Latin pac-, pax; akin to Latin pacisci to agree — more at pact

Date:

12th century

1: a state of tranquility or quiet: as a: freedom from civil disturbance b: a state of security or order within a community provided for by law or custom peace>



2: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions



3: harmony in personal relations



4 a: a state or period of mutual concord between governments b: a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity



5—used interjectionally to ask for silence or calm or as a greeting or farewell

— at peace

: in a state of concord or tranquillity





There are many views of peace, many windows from which peace might be glimpsed. Looking closely at the jest of the word does help to flavor it some for me, like the difference between Pepsi and Coke. Although both are lovely cola drinks, both are bubbly and refreshing, certainly we each choose one. One drink to claim as ours.



Peace.



2: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions



Would it be possible to escape disquieting emotions? To make peace with myself is one thing but to escape the emotions all together, that seems almost immature. Life is messy.



People live here.



Enough said...



But yet, peace in our hearts and souls is so important, so much a part of every human being that many are willing to die for it.



Do I know this kind of peace? This peace that appears Pollyanna in nature, that seems foolish? Do I even want it?



And of course there is another nuance in the word:



3: harmony in personal relations



Simple, right?



Sure, if everyone you meet believes just like you do, behaves just like you find acceptable and for heavens sakes, if everyone actually LIKES you. That concept though, however nice, does not allow for the true messy of involving people again.



Real people have thoughts of their own.



They believe differently than one another and see the world differently too.



Is it necessary to have harmony if it requires you to sacrifice yourself?



Is that true harmony or is it just giving up who you are?

To thine own self be true.

Peace.



This longing in my soul is often one of peace, of tranquility; however, I do not wish to loose my true self to achieve it. Are peace and happiness the same things?



In my home, it is loud and busy (five kids & a big dog) all the time but it is peaceful to me. (And easy peaceful too.) A visitor to my home might not agree, they might only see loudness and chaos. We, those of us who dwell here or who hang out here a lot (I have a teenager, which translates into I have her and her friends often) do not feel chaos but peace. This is our haven.



Can our measure of peace be different and the same?



And why not?