living with words~: kids

Woke up to the news that we are in a recession...thought to myself, "Duh!"

Where do these people come from? Where have they been?

Do they have any idea how much it cost to feed a family of eight?

Had a guy ask me if I was Mormon the other day, I just smiled and said no.

Then, this is the best part, had another gentleman explain to me that there is a cure for what I have. He said I should "take the pill and put it between my legs, if I let it drop then I might get another kid but if I don't let the pill drop, then it will mean my legs stayed closed."

I smiled as sweetly as I could (while my kids were running a muck) and said, "Thanks, but I adopted all my kids from abusive situations. I can not have my own children and we did this on purpose."

His jaw hit the floor and I turned and walked away with five of my six kids in tow. He would have died to know I had one more kid who was not with me.

Success

My five and six year old kids actually READ today~

It made all the other stuff with homeschooling soooooooooooo worth it.

Even if it was just Sam and Pam, a cute story about two people playing baseball.

Sam can bat.
Pam can bat.
Bat, Sam, bat!

xxoo

Kids say the darnest stuff....

So last night, at the dinner table, my ten year old announced:

"If Obama becomes President I bet he will take away cartoons. "

We died laughing!

Our parents are all democrats...he came up with this all by himself.

like a salt

With fragile sheets of wind the giggles envelope me like a favorite sweater, ready to wear again. Even the smell of salt reminds me that these days will be over sooner than any of us want them to be; childhood dances by so quickly. It will not always be so easy for you and I to convince them to dance, to kids songs, in the family room, with us.

Sad.

For now though, they are each happy moving along with the crazy hand motions and the wiggly shuffling about. Singing songs about Jesus being a Soccer Star make them belly laugh.

Listening reminds me of years ago, when it was just us, and how my love for you filled the room with starlight. Who knew that tiny beings could fill the night so fully? When ours eyes meet, the electricity there is real; tangible proof that indeed, prayers are answered. (And I mentally wrestle the guilt that others have lost, so that we may gain...duplicity is mine.)

Love; however, fills our home.

Copying a friend

One of my friends (yes Lisa I consider you a real live friend, anyone who knows where I live, is a friend) has been doing this exercise on her blog that has me intrigued. She has been writing for ten mintues a day in her blog and this in turn has caused her to actually WRITE.

Writing is one of my truest passions and the true reason I keep a blog. Now that all of our children are adopted freedom is once again mine. This ten mintue excercise may be liberating and just the thing to get some of these thoughts out of my head and back into words.

Today my four year old woman child stood in the back doorway yelling to Jesus to make it rain harder. She just knew He'd do it for her. Knew it.

It made me smile..made my heart sing. I can not wait to see if I can do this.

circles

One of my children is struggling to grow up. Each day is a challenge to remember what was and obvious feelings of guilt for being happy now.

Thoughts about life fill up the crannies of this child's heart and the questions are stark, unanswerable.

"When I was little did my birth mom hold me like you hold the baby?"
"I am growing up good, right mom?"
"Remember when I use be tiny and my other mommy loved me?"

Just a few minutes ago we had a little talk about how it is ok to love her forever and how those feelings are ok to have.

The comment that is lingering with me?

"Then it is not my fault the my birth mom started to be naughty?"

Sometimes I struggle with this path God has me on, struggle with how to teach them to be level headed and happy. Struggle with not being bitter about the scars that adults leave on little kids.

RFKC

Amidst shouts and wild cheers coming from rambunctious adults, who are wildly waving signs with names and their meanings in the air, sixty-four abused, neglected and often forgotten children arrive at camp. Some of the children who exit the two luxury buses which showed movies on the way up with happiness and their own joyful noise but others, the ones who are making their first trip to camp, exit slowly. Like war veterans looking ever so carefully for danger, little eyes peer at us with suspicion and doubt that anything good will come of their trip to the forest for Royal Family Kids Camp, Inc. (RFKC).

It is those battered hearts we hold camp for; the ones who need to know that there are adults in the world capable of loving them, capable of allowing them to have fun, who will encourage them to eat their fill and run until their lungs ache with happiness. Those distrusting eyes are the ones we train for and long to reach. The children that say things like; “My parents are in prison but it is okay because my new parents don’t beat me.” Or “I never realized until just now that I love my new foster family.” (From a nine year old girl who had been in five different homes.)

Steve and Valerie Burnette first became involved in Royal Family Kids Camp in 2000, when Valerie's father Walt passed away, because Valerie began attending with her mother in her Dad's place. Steve got involved in 2004 because, as Valerie puts it, "I started bleeding purple. The kids and the camp just kind of get into your blood and we started thinking that we could put a camp like that together in the Tri-Cities too because there was not anything for foster children in the eastern part of Washington. Valerie has been participating in the California camp and running the Washington camp since 2005, a feat that has become a year round job and she says even Christmas shopping seems lead to buying gifts for Everyone's Birthday Party.

RFKC is not a camp like any other camp around since it is manned entirely by volunteers, all who have a heart to serve abused, neglected and or abandoned children. The staff ratio to children is two adults per child. Yes, two per child. When the kids get off the bus they are assigned to a Counselor at the ratio of two kids per counselor; however, it takes a whole lot more people to make the team work. The Camp Directors efficiently orchestrate a musical of chaos and produce beautiful music, all to give a bunch of foster kids a week of normalcy. To give these young people a taste of what other people sometimes take for granted: camp, fun, friends, laughter, unconditional love, multiple chances to succeed, acceptance, a place to belong and community. It is difficult to understand unless these words from previous campers are also shared: “Are you really, really sure no one will come in our cabin tonight?” Or “We get to eat three times today? And a snack? What do we have to do in return?” Or even worse, “No, I don’t want to play dress. Well, maybe I will but only if you promise no one will take any pictures of me.” (She never did play dress up that year or any other year that she went to camp.)

Start up camps are often faced with obstacles when they begin, which is normally funding. For this camp, the challenge the first year, was actually getting children to go; despite the fact that there are anywhere from four hundred to four hundred and fifty children in the foster care system in our area at any given time. Getting kids is no longer the problem since that first year of only thirty four campers; our camp is always full and always has a waiting list. Word of mouth has assured that we will not have any problems getting kids who want to attend camp. As one little boy put it: “I wish I could live at camp!” Getting adults remains a challenge though, as many do not have the means to give up a week unpaid to go to camp and it is even more difficult to recruit men over women. Recruiting counselors and volunteers is a year round job, even falling onto the people who attend the camp as staff. For some of the toughest men in the area camp is the only time they seem to just melt, serving these kids puts their lives back into proper perspective and helps them see their own kids as God does. Just ask any man if it is worth the sacrifice he makes and most of them truly will ask, “What sacrifice?”

One dream that Wayne Tesch, the original founder of RFKC, has is that there be a camp in every corner for every kid to attend; Steve and Valerie are constantly vigilant to this call. 2008 will be the first time Bethel Church host its’ own camp after having gone threw the recruitment process of attending Faith’s camp for two years and attending Director’s training. The Burnette’s would love to see several more camps in the Eastern Washington area and remain committed to this dream, as well as committed to training up leadership to take over the camp should anything ever happen to them so that these kinds of comments aren’t lost forever:

“Camp is the only place I get spoiled.” 11 year old girl

“This is the second best birthday of my life. My best was last year at camp.”

“I’m just glad to have food.” 7 year old girl

“I never thought I’d say this, but Thank you!” 3^rd year ‘tough’ camper

Some kids get to return year after year until they reach the age of 11 and “age out” of our program, some only come to camp once. Our goal is to make the week that they are here one of the very best of their young lives and to give them a tangible proof of God’s love. Something they can hold on to, cling to. Cherish forever and give them hope for their futures. For many of us it is amazing to see the difference a week can make in their lives, one camp volunteer said; “What I was surprised by was not how much they needed us but by how much we needed them back.” The feeling of love and happiness are contagious. Many of the campers go home and talk about camp with everyone they meet from their foster parents, biological families, social workers and therapist to just other kids they know. One social worker sent this note: “This is awesome!!! Giving them memorable memories they will hold close to their heart for rest of their life. Thanks to all of you for caring enough to make a difference!!!”

Better than anything we could say one little boy, when signing in at registration for camp last year, correctly summed it all up like this:

“I’m a part of God’s Royal Family!”

{This is something I wrote for our camp directors to help advertise and promote our camp, what do you think?}

Sunday School

One of my guilty pleasures is that I still teach Sunday School to first graders, guilty pleasure because there is no greater joy than other people's kids. It is a fact that I can not truly explain except to say that kids never cease to amaze me in their fresh perspectives.

Our church uses a curriculum that encourages the kids to memorize a bible verse each month and to apply the virtue to their lives. This month's virtue is patience, funny for a woman with six kid's. The word is defined as: waiting for later for something you want now.

The verse is: Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27.14

One that is bite size for six and seven year olds...really for all our kids to eat. Right?

Last Sunday we were praticing the verse and one little girl said it perfectly.

I asked her "Were do you find it in the Bible?"

Without missing a beat she replied:

"Possum 27.14"

I had to turn away before I peed myself.

I know we live in a small town and all...

snowing

It has been snowing here again and causing me to just want to bundle up...we have been doing a well. Very well.

The freedom to write still scares me and I can not believe it to be real...like a caged animal who does not leave even though the door has been left open, my words are swirling furiously around in my soul but fear leaving the safety of my head.

What if.

What if.

What if.

The fear haunts me and in my dreams at night, people still show up and advise us to pack the children's bags because better parents have been found. People who could love them more.

The words of strangers are startling to my heart:
"You are so brave to do what you do, bless you."
" What a great thing to do, I don't think I could take in strangers to my home."
"Don't you worry about getting attached to them?"

There are not answers to some questions or comments that people make; but, what is true, what is right, is that it is incredibly easy to love little children. Easy to hold a crying little person close and just love him or her. It does not matter whether or not they will ever love you back or whether or not they will ever even know your name.

Even if it is only just for one day or for a lifetime...a child in need of a safe place to be is a child in need; I do not consider myself and my husband brave, just lucky. Besides we never met a kids that we did not just love to death!

Yes, one does get attached to the children we foster but how much depends on the context of the relationship; like when you are in school and you have a certain student for a while, you love them completely and know you have to send them on. That is what it like for us. We love them completely and then release them into their future.

Is that not what all parents do, really?

Freedom

Awhile back I posted a profile picture of a child in my blog a talked about how much I missed that child..at the time I thought that I broke no major confidentially law s anything since the picture was much less revealing than picture that are posted by State agencies of children in foster care... I also know that I am not the only blogger who blogs about being a foster parent or about adopting kids...goggle it.

Here is a few I found:
Foster Care
The journey to my child
Lauren Christianson
Adoption by Grace
Foster care Log !this one is written by a grown man who was himself a foster child.~~~
Lisa's Website ~~another site by a former foster child, now a grown woman
Janet

Even being involved in Royal Family Kid's Camp has taught me that pictures of children and even their full names are scared things that are to be protected with the fierceness of a lioness protecting her cubs.

(The above picture is an example of a picture we CAN publish on our RFKC website of a child from camp, one that protects the child's identity but still shows a child being a child at camp. It shows more of the face than the picture I posted which showed only the underside of a chin.) When we are at camp we create memory books for our campers and we go to great lengths to ensure that no campers receives pictures of others campers but yet still appears to have been at camp with lots of other kids. That means there are profile shots and scrap booking things going on with the pictures to make sure you can not really tell who a person is UNLESS you are completely intimate with them.

Back to the picture thing, it caused me to loose the ability to write and I almost lost my blog in full because someone complained about the picture to my agency. (That is what I have meant by the blog police.) Anyway, threw process of elimination, I pretty much know who it was and now, because my adoptions are done, I am now free to write again. YEAH!!!!

That means I can blog again without constant fear of my words being used against me, even though I have not ever truly done anything wrong. Pettiness is a bitter root and I have been working hard at not being petty about this whole situation but I have been oh so bitter.

Bitter that some of my best writing and stories have been left unshared. Bitter that I have lost touch with my online friends and lost an outlet that I have cherished over the last four years of my life; a public blog. Bitter that another person's actions can in fact impact my freedom of speech and freedom of expression. I have always tried very hard to honor and respect any family member that I write about because I want to be able to look them in the eye and never, ever be ashamed of myself. Whenever I share things in my blog I am very sensitive about the nature of my life, the nature of my illness and the overall public life I live in a VERY small town. It is, in fact the main reason I have more than one site tracking system on my blog...so that I can tell who is looking. So that I can be wary of people who may be out there, lurking, seeking what they may use against me.

I digress, a little.

So I will write again with more regularity and less fearfulness. I will still not write about the children that are not mine is a way that would ever reveal their true gender, age or name but I can hardly hide the fact that I am a parent or even that I am a foster/ adoptive parent. I was told that for a short while I should not even mention the fact that I am a parent...all because I mentioned that I loved and missed a child that had been in my care and posted a picture of a baby chin and tummy.

I use to talk often of Alexis, my teenage daughter who is not a foster child, but had to stop even that because my agency was not sure if how I parented her would be used against me. An example? One day she missed the school bus and I joked that I was going to make her walk, seems that state workers may not find that funny. Or blog police. First of all she has chosen to walk from school on her own several times before and second of all I was joking. I DID pick her up from school that day and every other day she chooses to miss the bus. (Do not bother looking for the entry because they told me to delete it.)

Over the last few days though I have been able to share my joy and show pictures of my life, without putting my children at risk or revealing confidential information that I would not ever share in such a public forum. I looked in the mirror today and Stupid was not on my forehead.

I love my kids, the ones we have adopted, the ones we will not adopt and the ones we are keeping until they can be reunited with their families of origin. It is those children I end up missing the most and grieving for the most...the ones that are returned home. When you consider that my husband and I are long term, adoptive foster parents that means we get the "lost cause" cases that the state feels there is little hope for. The kids who have been asked to have new placements found for...we adopted the first three "placements" we got and they had been in multiple homes in a short time before getting to us.

Here is the God part of the story: He had His hand in it all and led us to the right agency for He had the right children for us. When we were READY neither He or they were READY so he had to sabotage it the only it could happen.

Life is good, if you let it be.

All children deserve to be cherished and loved without having to earn the love. Thankfully we have had our greatest dream fulfilled despite all the things the enemy threw at us.

A happy New year to you...this one trumped watching Hanana Montana all night only because this year I knew that there would not be a kindly social worker showing up and moving the kids to a new home. And they knew it too so they were completely relaxed and fully at home.

xxoo

Children's Ministry

I just spent the last two days in a training retreat for Children Ministry leaders and Pastors.

It was a fabulous experience because the teachers were so engaged...and it covered on of my favorite topics:

Kids.

The most poignant thing I came away with is the reminder that Jesus said His kingdom belongs to the little children. To get to heaven you must become like a child in faith.

See the world with fresh eyes.

Taste the colors of living.

Breath in the scent of innocence.

Dance like there is no reason not to.

Touch everything and pet the animals.

It was a great time of learning.

playground clicks

There are clicks on the playground, I know that there are lots of articles that have been written about such things but one never really believes things like playground clicks until it is experienced first hand, like today. Apparently, one must have the right stuff to be included in certain circles of women and for goodness sakes do not, I mean do not presume to talk the Princesses at the park.

I was mad-dog starred down by a woman with pink tips in her hair, like I was carrying a disease from the shores of the Amazon River.

How dare I enter the park with the courage, no the gall to speak to strangers? To smile and laugh?

To pretend fish off the pretend boat...

It would have been sad if I had not been so busy reeling in a really, really big blue fish.

And then eating raw while I was speed quickly away to the next fishing hole.

Mother's Day

Thank you God
for entrusting with me
with fragile little ones
raising up adults that
who will take over this
world and hopefully
not write on the walls

Happy Mother's Day!!

Life

So there is a tent in the middle of my office.

A tent.

The tent is fully assembled except for the stakes because the tent builder figured that they were not needed due to the floors being wood and all. But the tent is assembled and there is a lone cowboy shooting blanks in there too. No idea where the toy gun came from because toy guns are contraband in our household, based purely on principal, since I have had a concealed carry license in the past and own five real guns.

Toy guns are not allowed in my home since they give off they wrong messeage to unruly little ones. Violence begets violence, anger begets anger and something about putting someone else's eye.

Anyway, the tent is just sitting there, blocking my way to the exit and to the kitchen where the food is. Where the diet pepsi is...

Basically I am trapped in front of the computer now.

It is going to be a long, long evening.

{Do you notice how I am managing to write about my life and leave out all mention of the censored subject matter? It took me a little bit of thinking but I think I figured it out. Some of this material is simply too good to let it slip past me.}

Now, I have to go and hide from the Indians and Cowboys.

Chazown, again

Like many churches right now, our church is doing a series on Chazown, Hebrew for vision or dreams. The theme of our church this year is greater intimacy with God and the notorious leaders have decided that one way to get there is to truly understand God's plan for our lives.

My personal bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11 which is: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " Somehow the words in this lone verse give me solace and protection from all things. The words are the very basis of my faith but not the totality of my faith. They say that God has plans for me and the steps along the way are necessary for the end results.

Like when one decides to build a new building on a site that has an old decrepit structure, the old building is sometimes totally demolished before the new building can begin. Whenever my life feels painful I think of this verse. In fact, those who receive e-mail from me know that this is how I sign off all my e-mails.

It is a reminder of better things to come.

Like the song I remember my mom singing to me when we fled to Madrid, Spain.

Itsy Bitsy spider.

A song about hanging on and having fortitude and going on no matter what because the sun will come up and dry up all the rain.

God has a plan for me. And for you.

Anyway, back to Chazown and having vision. Right now I am trying to decide what things cause my heart to go thumpty thump thump and they all have to do with children. Going to Royal Family Kids Camp each year is one of the biggest joys that Charley and I have because it is a chance to show a complete stranger, a young child between the age of 7 to 11 that there are good and decent people in the world. That there are lots of adults that can be trusted. We love giving a week of our vacation to do this for the foster kids in our part of the world. We have been doing this now for three years and each year is a new camp.

But it is a joy.

This year the camp's theme is based on Builder Bob and the bible story about building your house on solid ground, last year was a jungle theme and God's treasure and the first year we went was a Royal theme and based on God's purpose for you. We get to spend the whole week giving these kids a normal week of camp at no cost to them or their families.

But, you may be thinking, what does camp have to do with my chazown? Camp was God's way of showing me that accounting and numbers were not His plan for me. That I was denying what He had laid in my heart by hiding in an office behind a computer and working with adults all day.

I belong in a field chasing butterflies and singing songs about bumblebees. I ought to be telling stories about bears and trains with stubborn wills and wiping snotty noses and just loving little souls in His name.

How does one switch gears at my age? People see my resume and think I am crazy. I want more than anything to work at a pre-school or to be a teacher assistant but no one will even give me a chance because they can not imagine what I would want to do that for. And besides, the pay is not what I have been paid before.

Sometimes it is not about the money, sometimes it is about following your dreams and following Chazown.

Ladybugs

this is my hand....

notice the one with lots of spots???

A few days ago we had the privilege of chasing ladybugs, which of course isn't much of a chase. It is more of a causal event like drinking tea on a porch and watching the sun set, calming and nice.

Doing things like this has always been second nature for me, even as a small child I remember talking all the other small children into catching tad poles because we would be able to raise frogs from them. The other kids were not sure if they could trust me or not but by golly clomping around in the stream sounded like good fun anyway.

We caught the tad poles in paper cups and raised them into frogs in an old claw foot bathtub in the yard.

The was dirt, plants and an old cake pan full of water. When the frogs got big enough we covered the tub with screening to keep them in and to keep the stray cats out...I do not know what ever happened to the frogs, I moved back in with my Mom.

Chasing ladybugs makes me feel like a little girl again...that and the musical laughter in the air as it was being done. I love springtime and am awaiting the butterflies.

xxoo

PS: Go watch this Utube about Patrick and Patti! Really, since we didn't do the MS walk this year I did not talk it up like I usually do. I could not do it because on the Saturday it was held I had a T-ball game and a baseball game to go to....And a birthday party to throw.

Anyway, go watch this, it is funny and sweet.

the rescue

Where does one's nature come from? Is it developed or is our nature there within us all awaiting the right nurturing to bloom?

It rain today. And yesterday.

Although I live in Washington, I do not live on the west side of the state so it does not rain here on a regular basis. Where I live it is considered a high steep desert; however, being an Arizona child I see nothing of the desert I love here. It is more like shrubs and tumbleweeds than a true desert, it lacks the cactus one thinks of when the word desert is invoked. I digress.

The rain drew out fat worms, 30 or so covered our driveway causing Charley to warn me to put the kids in the car BEFORE opening the garage because of the worms.

I have never been one to mind, so once I dropped the eight year old off at school (he would of been late otherwise) I brought the little ones home to rescue worms.

Every child ought to hold worms in the pouring rain and experience the thrill of them being set free in flower beds.

At least once.

The lessons of five kids.

1. You will NEVER go pee alone again.
2. Kids start asking "Why?" really, really young.
3. There is not enough Kleenex in this world to catch snot.
4. Babies can vomit a REALLY long ways, whilst one is driving.
5. Throw up is hard to get out of your car. (No, I didn't learn this in my youth.)
6. The magic of your kids saying, "I love you Mommy." can't be matched by anything.
7. I need less sleep than ever.

And finally.....I have lost about 85 pounds.

xxoo

living with words~

Gifts with benefits

Desert Gales

economy