One never know who is reading...

The Internet is an endlessly fascinating place. I have mentioned before that I have a way to monitor who stops by to see me but today I got probably the biggest surprise yet, it seems that someone in China or someone who reads Chinese read today because if you click the title of this post you'll be able to see how I look in their eyes.

Neat stuff but proof that one never knows. Who said that censoring works? Aren't they really rigid with what they can see in China? Well everyone knows what I like to talk about.

The other truly neat thing is my Pastors and church just returned from a short missions trip to China where they helped build a church in a small rural village in China. (They went by the title of teacher there though to not offend the government. They also water baptised five people in the river and worried about jail time.)

hehehehehe

Soul searching

My church is giving out homework for this Chazown series.

This is very objectionable on many levels, I mean who do they think they are, my accountability partners? My mentors in soul stuff? My Church? For Pete's sake, homework?

And it is not the kind of homework that has clear and concise answers or even multiple choice answers, it is more like the stuff poems are made of. It is grey (gray...) homework that makes my brain hurt and my stomach ache. In the pits.

Questions about what makes me tick and what ticks me off. What makes me truly happy and what would I die for.

Yeah, from my church. We do not have to turn it in, so I suppose "they" will never know if I have really done it, but God will know. And I will know.

Be true to yourself.

To thy own self be true.

Hummmmm....the questions probe deeply into my heart and then dig like little burrowing ants. Yes they seems innocent at first but then later it hits me that the questions are not Innocent at all.

They are searing. They are altering, The questions are the type that cause people to quit their dead end jobs and decide to sell flowers for a living, or to become teachers instead of accountants.

Who are you? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What would you die for?

What would I die for?

No, my church is not suggesting we all become suicide bombers, it is an exercise to find our own personal Chazown, our truest vision. Or really God's vision and plan for our life.

I wonder if it is painful for anyone else to stumble along and realize that the pebbles have always been pebbles and never were boulders at all? That there is always a way to start over and begin again. That sometimes we fail just so God's real plan for us can begin.

All my life I have been a good accountant but never a great and happy one. I have made a ton of money doing work that was not a passion and now, when I think hear that small still voice beckoning to me, the world seems to be in my way. Is that my calling I hear or just my heart?

How does one really know the difference?

Like I recently told my nephew, do what makes you happy and you never really go to work, people will just pay you to do what you love anyway.

Atheist

While waiting for the good doctor today I read Newsweek, the cover caught my because there was a cross draped with the American flag and the bold words:

The politics of Jesus

Of course I had to read the thing.

Had to.

Personally I think that most religious people are nutty and are probably far from what God is wanting. Most of my life I have also thought that an Atheist believes there is a God to not believe in. Like picking between red crayons and blue crayons but still choosing to color.

Then I meet a new person between the pages of that little magazine who is the most hateful Atheist I have ever read. Called religion, all religion a nice little fairy tale that beleiving adults delude themselves with.

Said it was dumb. Not quite that word choice but almost.

As I read his editorial all I felt was sad for him, sad that he has so much anger that he feels compelled to make fun of others. Sad that he does not know the peace that I know.

When he dies if he is right there is nothing lost but if he is wrong, he has lost all.

When I die if I am right I gain all but if I am wrong, I and the millions others like me lose nothing.

Personally I'd rather error on the side of losing nothing and being wrong.

Easter bunnies

When I was a child I knew in my heart that the holidays were about more than the marketing, of course I did not have vocabulary to express it back then, but I knew it in my gut. The feeling was a pit of the stomach aching that just told me there was more.

More to the story than this.

I was a weird deep child...

Like knowing I did not like spiders but thinking that maybe killing them was wrong too because gosh they are alive and all, so walk around, just walk around.

Now, if they make the poor judgement call of joining me in my home then they wicked little beast die, but if they stay outside I let spiders live.

At an early age The Easter Bunny seemed so, so unbelievable that I just knew it was all about the Baby Jesus and The Cross. And the Rising from The Tomb.

At seven years old it kinda creeped me out that someone would die and Rise up again but I thought it was a pretty good idea. Especially if He was going to take my sins with Him. I did not know what sins were but the people around me talked about them and I just knew I did not want them.

So, at the risk of sounding naive, I do not believe that Easter Bunny is real.

I do not think a rabbit sneaks into my house and hides eggs, although we did end up with one more egg than we dyed...

I do believe that He died.

I do believe that He is Risen.

I do believe that He is coming back.

And soon.