Sunday morning

I believe in God, I know, I know...some of you are shocked. Dismayed by the news.

How could she do this to us, you ask? An intelligent woman buying into this nice, nice story. How?

I have been seeking His face ever since I can remember. Forever it seems.



My life has been punctuated with opportunities to denouce Him or to at least declare Him mean spirited and yet there lies a place in my soul that knows better. A certain part of me that recognizes the God Almighty even in the crappiness of some of the things that have happened in my life.

That has been the hardest part, I think. Finding Him, trusting Him even in my darkness. Like a few months ago when my heart laid shattered at my feet with the foster children situation. Believing that out of the bad good shall come and not sounding trite. And telling my story well, it isn't how big I am...It is how big my God is.


Several people have been brave enough to ask me why Charley and I have not just adopted. That sounds like such a simple solution, right? Well there are two problems with it. First, one must pass the same initial state requirements we are going threw right now. Second, money.

Money??? (I hear some of you saying in the background.)

Yes, money. It takes a bunch of money to adopt children.
And some of you are saying well, get a loan.
Simple to those of you with good credit.

Credit is such a personal subject. But mine, with my illnesses and some other things that came up, sucks. Sucks so much that I couldn't finance a pencil if my life depended on it. That has been ok until now. Until I wanted children and didn't have the money to buy them...And didn't have the money to finance them either. It sounds so cruel in type but it also in a dagger in my soul.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for you to prosper and not to harm you. Jer 29:11

This information puts a different angle on my bible verse doesn't it? But it shouldn't because I love the verse not for the money part but for the promise. And now I am finally able to tell you the rest of what happened on the November day when my heart was torn in two.

Are you ready?

After the state told us we were all approved and we were going to get children, do you remember? They gave us the names, showed me pictures, told me all about their needs and then 24 hours later changed their minds and said that we might not ever get our foster license because I was molested as child. Do my faithful readers remember that day with me? How they thought I has traumatized? I am happy to say that in December I went threw a professional evaluation and was certified as normal and healthy with no residual lasting effects, thank you very much. (I have that in writting.)

However, that is not what this story is about.

On that very same day in November our landlords, the ones that we have been doing a lease option to buy with for almost two years, decided that they were going to make sure we got the house we are living in.

Let me type that again:

Our landlords made sure that we could buy our house on the same day that our hearts were broken and torn in two. This buying of the house involved a "refinance" of the house in our name and resulted in the new ability to pay for:

one adoption.


I haven't wanted to write about it until the loan closed.

The loan closed.

The house is ours but the most important part is that a child could soon be ours.

Personally, I see God's hand all over it.