Wednesday To thy own self be true, or why MS sucks

To thy own self, be true.


I am so tired of having MS that sometimes I'll say things like:

When I get better...

When this goes away....

But the sad truth is that I will always have MS and three times a week for a long, long time I will take shots that I hate.

I do want to let the strangers who read this know that I DO have this disease and I sure as heck wish I was pretending....



Now I must go and take my Rebif...boy at times like this I really wish I was kidding.

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I wonder if the sky will someday seem less filled with storm clouds and if I'll find the lining that is promised. At times I resist writing in stream of thought for fear of worrying my family but ultimately I am not well enough to keep more than one journal so this one will have to fill all my needs as a writer (with the exception of my POETRY journal of course.) It will have to keep my joy, my fear and passion in one simple place so that I don't have to go looking for my thoughts. I don't mind being a Jekel and Hyde personality.

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This simple truth is why some of my words seem so sad and forlorn...it is hard to except myself as a chronically ill woman since I never planned for this. I was always the "go getter" the over achiever....the straight A kid. Heck my GPA was better than 4.0 because AP classes count for more points.

This new person is so hard to wear.

It is hard to forgive her for getting sick.

The brain tumor was so much easier to deal with because it seemed like such a direct illness.

Have tumor, get it removed, get on with life.

MS takes, takes....I don't know, effort.

E. f. f. o. r. t.





ckays1967 at 10:22:00 PM PDT Link to this entry

This entry has 3 comments: (Add your own)
thank you for sharing your world and giving us an insight to this disease....{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
~jerseygirl
http://journals.aol.com/cneinhorn/WonderGirl
Comment from cneinhorn - 9/17/04 3:28 PM



{{{ Christina }}}
A wonderful entry. I`m so happy that you feel courageous enough to share these thoughts with us. [hugs]
V
Comment from deabvt - 9/16/04 3:44 PM



Chronic illness SUCKS. I have had a small taste of it with my endometriosis. NOT being well really just wears on you after awhile. I'm sure the MS is much harder to sublimate than the pain of my disease was (is...) And then you have to look forward to those horrific shots three times a week. I do hope they are HELPING... (((((Christina))))) Lisa :-]
Comment from mlraminiak - 9/15/04 11:09 PM