One of the hardest things in my current life is that although I have almost forgotten that I have MS my body hasn't....
Darn it.
I never did get a call from the Pee Doctor so I haven't had to self-catherize yet and somehow I wish that I could just forgot about that too. (Yep, yep, yep.)
Please take note that I haven't called the Pee Doctor either because, well because I haven't.
The other hard thing about my current life is knowing what to say to these kids when they say things that make me remember that I am just a substitute mommie.
Like when the teenager, the eight year old and I where school supply shopping the kid suddenly regaled us with tales of dumpster diving and the treasure to be had doing the sport. Right there, loud and proud, in the middle of the produce section of Wal-Mart.
Or how about just when we are getting served pancakes on Sunday after church and one of them yells: "You aren't my REAL Mom and Dad." We always agree but then remind the child, whichever child it is, that we are their REAL foster Mom and Dad and that is that.
And then there was dinner tonight. All seemed to be going good at the Brown dinner table, we sit down at a regular round table with grace and silverware and everything. Dumperster diver kid suddenly states: "I want to go home." Oh geez.
I said: "Yep, eat your dinner anyway."
I am learning.
S L O W L Y .
January 15th
One year ago today I began to eat differently. It is called the Ketogenic diet and the information is out there for free ...
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Thursday, February 10, 2005 Lions, Tigers and HAMSTERS..... oh my I have been sick. Very sick...acute bronchitis (as opposed to ugly bronch...
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Wednesday, December 8, 2004 The best early Present I have ever received: (A letter from my mom in e-mail box today) (yes, this is me.) ...
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Wednesday, April 6, 2005 Death It is in living that we march slowly towards the finish line that we all face and it is in the small moments ...
Yep ... I'm the certified 'Bad Cop' in the Haupertonian Manor. When my kids tell me that 'I don't like you, you arent my best friend. I want to go to grandma's house ...', well, that tells me that I'm doing my job. Really.
ReplyDeletethe road you have taken has many beautiful views but it also has many pothholes along the way. no matter, you traveled thorugh it with all your heart and that is what makes you a real parent. blood is nothing, heart is all..that is the lesson your kids will learn from you. one that they are already learning, they just don't know that yet.
ReplyDeletehang in there. you are both doing just right. and thank you for doing it.
the body is the weaker part of us. the heart and mind is what counts. Ms is just a stomblign block that surfaces, but you can handle it..you can take on anything and handle it. hugs.
I know the feeling...I have to be the mom and dad in my house, therefore pretty much always being the "bad guy". I know things can be difficult and these poor kids have already been through so much. Hang in there! I am sure you are doing a wonderful job with them and just remember....all kids can be hard to deal with at one time or another. You just have to shrug it off and remember that they are just kids and it is a lot easier to act out to the ones that are there for them then it is to open up and deal with their emotions...they have not reached that level of maturity yet.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to the pee doctor...are you still seeing Dr. Z? Have they considered medication to help rather than the cath? I hope that you can get all of this worked out. My offer to carpool is always open (if you do decide to switch Drs).
Take care of yourself.
Jaime
But maybe someday they will be thankful that you weren't their "real" Mom and Dad, but loved them and cared enough about them despite that.
ReplyDeleteIt probably means they're scared. They're beginning to feel the love and it scares them. Don't take it personal. And heck the witty comebacks from you should get better the more full of piss and vinegar you are. ;-p Call the doctor! You don't want to cause complications.
ReplyDelete(((C))) You're toughening up, my little flower!
ReplyDeleteBut, yeah...it must be a little disconcerting for them to pipe up with that kind of stuff out of the blue.
Please take care of yourself, my friend!
You all have a unique and special challenge to be sure. For what it’s worth, “real” children to paraphrase one of your brood are not much different at publicly putting you on the spot or challenging parental roles. You two are just getting it ALL at once with no growing up years to develop ‘parenting immunity’. Bless you all!
ReplyDeletePatrick http://journals.aol.com/daddyleer/CaregivinglyYours/
Have you tried any drugs for this? I hope there is an easier way :)
ReplyDeleteYou're doing great with the kids :)
Oh yea... remember the hurtful things we said to our parents... it's coming back to haunt us....
ReplyDeleteI actually said those things to my Mom "You are not even my real Mom..." OUCH... But I grew up and relized how blessed I really was. That was enough for my Mom and how forgiving she was...
I know it's hard... My kids tell me everyday to give up one of their siblings for adoption... can you believe that... nice... they're not!!!
Just hugging you. Because.
ReplyDeleteAnd they`re testing you, not too slowly!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
V
Robbie is right on!!
ReplyDeleteV