One of those things is that most people, once they've come to grips with the news, start educating themselves on what the future holds... I spend time reading about the lives of other people with my illness and what they face.
This is good.
This is bad.
This is bad.
Anything that happens to me is cause for instant panic and I feel assured that life as I have known it is over.
The panic is almost visible in the rise and fall of my chest.
The sudden gasp for air.
The sharp intake of breath.
Sometimes I think it would be better to be ignorant because at least then a headache would be just a headache and my foot falling to sleep would mean I sat too long in one position.
I feel like chicken little.
I really respect chicken little.
I really respect chicken little.
This entry has 9 comments: (Add your own)
ReplyDeleteI think I understand, I get in panic mode too and I don't even have MS....you are so brave to so candidly share your story with us....I admire you so...~JerseyGirl
Comment from cneinhorn - 12/13/04 5:21 AM
Christina,
How right you are!!! I think about this all the time. Sometimes ignorance is, indeed, bliss. When I found out I had Lupus and all the other unnify stuff that comes with it I started to read and read about everything. Now a headache is no longer just a headache......... as you say....... Love bunches LuAnne
http://journals.aol.com/thebaabee/LUANNESLIFELIVINGWITHLUPUS/
Comment from thebaabee - 12/6/04 12:49 PM
All I can say, is never shut out the people that love you. Reach out and you will be hugged in return.
{{{{{Hugs, my friend}}}}}
Deb
Comment from dbaumgartner - 12/4/04 1:40 AM
Christine
Hon, all I can say is too not ever feel like a chicken.... Your strength and inspiration are known to many... especially to me..... There is nothing wrong with having the concerns, or even wishing that things were different at times, I know in dealing with the disease I have, I feel a lot of the same things you do..... and NO YOU ARE NOT CHICKEN!!!!
remember above all your are a creature of God, he has blessed us with your presence on Earth...
I couldn't even begin to count the number of times, that I felt so much fear, not wanting to go to the doctor, not wanting to find out more... and I have come to your journal... read the things you have written, and recieved the strength I needed.
You are a shinning example to me of Honesty, humility, and true devotion... and I am much richer for knowing you
If you ever need to talk, or I can help in any way Please let me know.. I would be honored to listen
Comment from bamacowboy65 - 12/3/04 2:30 AM
Your candidness can be more valuable than medicine. I admire your courage to ‘go the extra mile’ to share and by doing so to help others. I’ve only seen MS as a caregiver/spouse and through my wife’s eyes. Even with that experience I still find insight and learning in your writing and others.
As for ‘chicken little’, hey! she had courage, leadership, and was rewarded by the king.
Patrick http://journals.aol.com/daddyleer/CaregivinglyYours/
Comment from daddyleer - 12/2/04 5:54 AM
Does your Mom need someone to say "I second that!!!"??
I do, second that my friend, you KNOW that you need to stay on top of things. You MUST TAKE CARE of yourself at all times.
If not for yourself, then for the ones who love you, Charley, Peanuts, Your Mom and Me.
A
Comment from dallas0406 - 12/1/04 6:46 PM
I understand. Not only because I've had a past lingering illness and so many others but because I worked in an ER. To top it off, I read an entire medical encyclopedia years ago and all of my daughter's nursing books. Too much information. I just try to let go and let God now. I really do and that makes things easier to bear.
Angela
Comment from readmereadyou - 12/1/04 5:36 PM
Hi Sweetie, I know EXACTLY what you mean! When I read about others with MS I get really scared for you. I can only imagine what kind of hell you must go through! Have you gone to the doctor for your foot yet? Have you had an MRI in the past 6 months? Don't forget you do still have a brain tumor so please get your behind to the doctor! Love, Mom
Comment from tsgerkin - 12/1/04 1:43 PM
{{{{Christina}}}}} Don't think you have a lock on the "chicken little" thing... I've always been like that when it comes to my health, and I never had MS! But I do wish you peace and long life! Lisa :-]
Comment from mlraminiak - 12/1/04 12:26 PM
It always amazes me how candid and open people are with their blogs. I was really touched with this one in particular. I can only empathize with you, but I do that.
ReplyDeleteOne thought that I have is that it is ok to be chicken. I think it is ok to gather knowledge (knowledge is power) but it is also ok to 'pretend' to be ignorant. Much like setting your car clock ahead 10 minutes. You know the real time, but just by choosing to ignore that and accepting the alternative time it helps you to be on time somehow.
I am trying to do this now with my grieving... sort of pretending to be happy. I have read that it is supposed to work. We'll see.
ty for sharing your story! k
You a chicken? Pfft.
ReplyDeleteOpen up your hands to the Lord
ReplyDeleteHe is there to lift you up when you fall
His healing hands will touch your soul
And melt the pain away
So lift your hands
And live another day
Open up your heart to the Lord
He's there to light up the darkness
He raised up his arms and died for you on the cross
He'll raise you up again
Lift up your burdens
He will take from you your pain
If you believe
If you believe
Just raise those hands
If you believe
If you believe
Jesus heals
Yes He heals
If you believe
Sending you rainbows to hold up the sky! Just the pot of gold at the end of your rainbow would look more like a heart of gold!
ReplyDeleteUs
I know so very little about MS. I will have to research it more or maybe that would be a entry you would write. You and how it is for you.
ReplyDeleteTJ
I know those moments :)
ReplyDeleteXXOO
Hugs,
ReplyDeleteV