Birthdays and dying

A while back I received a belated birthday present, late only because it was ordered from one of the TV jewelry shows. Normally if someone says "I saw something little and thought of you" we don't expect to be breathless when it arrives at our doorstep. Especially if they refer to the gift as little. The fact that the gift is from my mother means that the giver probably has a good idea of things that are prefect for me and can choose gifts that will delight me for always.

But, this is one of THOSE gifts that has arrived at precisely the right moment in my life and has managed to be a magical talisman in my little world, in part, because I am struggling with the very real frailness of my humanity. You see, my father's father (a man whose birthday I share as his first grandchild) is very, very sick and will die from cancer soon.

My struggle has nothing to do with the sad reality that he will die a hard and tragic death but with the fact that I am not particularly emotional about this news. A little sad yes but I hardly know the man. My last conversation with him was after my grandmother, his ex-wife of some 20-30 odd years, died of lung cancer. He didn’t attend her funeral but we stopped by to see him afterwards since the funeral was just an hour from his home. I would not have recognized him in a store, although he said he would have thought I could be a relative.

He is a bitter old man and reminds me of Hemingway. Living hard and selfishly. He told me that the only time he was happy was with his last wife that died for reasons he either did not share or I did not absorb. My mom and I were there from 1300 miles away and all he could do was ache for his lost love.

How sad is that?

But, by now you may have forgotten about my gift that I began the entry with...the magical gift that has arrived just in time. It is a long silver necklace that hangs down between, between, well...you know, between and on it is a very small ornately decorated silver box that has Christian symbols on it. The box has a latch and actually opens. It is about 1/4" square.

It came with an explanation that is it a prayer box; one opens it up and whispers prayers that will be carried close to their heart until God handles them.

One can only imagine what prayers I have whispered.... I keep opening the lid looking for the prayers.

Silly I know, but hey, I've never had my own prayer box before.

I think I'll put his name in there on a scrap of paper and let God handle it.

Moms always know don't they?