January 15th

One year ago today I began to eat differently. It is called the Ketogenic diet and the information is out there for free for anyone who wants to eat and lose weight. It has been easy and it has been hard. This is a true lifestyle change and not a get skinny fast scheme which requires purchasing products and convincing my friends to do the same.

Before I started, I researched and researched. When I actually started, I didn't even tell my family what I was doing, I just started eating differently. They caught on pretty quickly though and have supported me 100% They understand that they are actually my motivation to getting healthy, I want to live.

Here is the backstory, my why and that moment that made me change. We had been kayaking in the summer of 2016 and were considering buying kayaks for the family. So, I started researching which ones to buy for everyone, and in doing so discovered that I was too fat to buy a kayak for myself. We bought fishing poles instead.

I was in a woman's 3x shirt and 24W pants, which were very snug and just so embarrassed for myself. No diet, no wonder product, no exercise I tired had really worked long term. Everything seemed so hopeless...until one of my friend's on Facebook mentioned losing 40 pounds eating Ketogenic.

Now it is simply the way I eat. Everyday someone private messages and asks how to start a Ketogenic diet. I very enthusiastically send them information, everyone should feel this good. My family doctor, the same one I have had for five years, actually teaches Ketogenic eating. His wife is an obesity doctor.

I am no longer severely morbidly obese. 
I have lost 89 pounds and want to loose approximately 60 more.
I am in a woman's large shirt 12-14 and 14 pants or Jr 15.

For anyone who wants to join me:

You can do it. 
You are worth it.

“Courage is knowing what not to fear.”

~Plato

So much life has happened in two years.

So.  Much.  Living.

And dying.

Somewhere in between there I became a different woman, one I that I do not always recognize but often call to, like a song bird sings to the wind.  Calling into the sky with sad melodies of loneliness.

Today is Mother's Day.  What for many is a lovely day of family of laughter has been a day of keeping a child from loosing their mind into the depths of of mental illness.  The newest illness so disparaging that we live on the edge of the abyss.  Like hostage negotiators, we talked the child off the cliff again.  We know that we will have to over and over, maybe in a hour, maybe tomorrow or maybe next week.  We know that won't be the last time.  We pray that it will never be the last time because if it is, it means we failed.

And two other children haven't called or texted yet.

Why

Slowly the life is draining out of me

Bit by bit

Things I'd had always believed to be true

Are twisted into ugliness 

and my leporacy oozes everywhere

 When the people who normally champion

My causes become critics

Of my breathing

Of my intent

Of my glances

The joy naturally drains

I can not find it any more

I'm not even sure I want to

The insanity

Milestone

For today’s prompt, write a milestone poem. It could be a work milestone, athletic milestone, or even a milestone related to diet or overcoming addiction. Have fun with it, and here’s to the next 300 Wednesday prompts!




Getting there


Becoming has consumed my life
swallowing up days, months, years
preoccupied with What Will Be

The original goals were trite
and youthful: vet, doctor, lawyer...
ambitious intelligence guaranteed success

Being also consumed the light
in my soul with reality of bills, divorce
death and devastating diagnoses

The daily job of living was littered
with milestones and mile markers
on a paved highway of disappointment

Conquering has freed me with titles 
hoped for but not attained: Mommy, wife
friend, beloved, disciple, teacher

The path of getting there has
twisted, halted and narrowed
preoccupied again with What Will Be

April 5, poem 5

For today’s prompt, write a discovery poem. The narrator could discover an object, a person, an animal, a dishonorable deed, or any number of things. Poets can focus on the discovery, examine the aftermath, or even just mention it in passing.

Discovering age

being dirty dishwater blond affords one
special attention and powerful amenities
deemed down to earth, real and unaltered

people irrationally trust unaltered woman

beauty fades with time and even dirty blonds
find themselves highlighting their assets
playing up the beauty in sun kissed hair

people battle against unwarranted privilege

age means better, stronger mirrors that
magnify ten times normal sight and reveals
the light has been flickering on silver, not gold

April 4, poem 4

For today’s prompt, take the phrase “Since (blank),” replace the blank with a word or phrase, make the new phrase the title of your poem, and then, write your poem. Possible titles include: “Since the Last Time I Smoked,” “Since You Said Please,” and “Since When.”

Since the last time

almost dying is my talent
the last time changed me
in subtle ways
where numbers do not make cents
where money infuriates my sense
where words drip with meanings
and comprehension rolls away from me

like marbles dropped
in a jar to count the behaviors
I want more of

Since the last time

almost dying danced with me
and changed me completely
when attacking appendixes becomes
a barren middle aged woman
the news spilled accidentally in recovery
yet I still manage to have more
children than society feels appropriate

like little people left
off in hospitals or foster care ought to be
hidden in the crevices not minivans

Since the last time

almost dying lost